Driving While Stupid

The county’s car-bound criminals

Westchester residents are so dependent on their cars, they even need them to commit crimes. But after taking a survey of recent arrests throughout the county, a couple things seem apparent: crime behind the wheel in Westchester definitely doesn’t pay, and our mobile criminals aren’t representative of our SAT-acing, Ivy-League-educated ranks (or at least we hope they’re not).

» Thanks for the ID. The New York State police received a series of calls from residents whose mailboxes had been bashed in. They had no trouble tracking down the perpetrators, a 17-year-old driver and his friends. How did they find the perps? The driver left his license plate on the lawn of the last house he vandalized. (We’d say that was a pretty good clue.) The vandals were charged with 20 counts of criminal mischief.

»Next Time, Consider a Mint or Two. A man had crashed his car onto the curb in White Plains. When police arrived, they found him staring under the hood of his vehicle. The man told police his car “just started driving funny.” Well, that’ll happen when you have two flat tires with bent rims—and you’re driving while stinking drunk. After police smelled alcohol on the man’s breath, they gave him a breathalyzer test—which he obviously failed—and charged him with DWI.

»Pit Stop. A car had stopped—smack dab in the middle of the right lane of the Sprain Brook Parkway. Did the engine seize? Was there a medical emergency? Out of gas? Nope, the driver was just asleep, and sentenced to forty hours hard napping.

»Going Against the Grain. Talk about lost—a Connecticut driver apparently didn’t notice all the cars swerving out of his way when he proceeded to drive in the wrong direction down a one-way section of North Broadway. His “shortcut” earned him a DWI.

»Oh, Deer! While attempting to make his way home in Mahopac with a large cache of drugs, a man struck a deer that jumped in front of his car. When police responded, they promptly arrested the man. Why? Apparently, the man seemed impaired, and a search of his vehicle turned up more than 50 packets of heroin and some prescription drugs—sans prescriptions. He was charged with multiple felonies and misdemeanors. The deer got off with a warning.



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