How We Loathe Thee

Our county is perfect except for…



1. Taxes, Taxes, Taxes. We might as well have taken 80 percent of our paycheck and reduced this column to the “four things we loathe about Westchester other than taxes,” because No. 1 is such a slam-dunk, it almost goes without saying. I mean, did you see the size of that “#%*!” on our June cover?

2. Parking Tickets. If we had just brought you shopping malls, it would have been enough. And if we had just brought you shopping plazas full of Targets and Best Buys, it would have been enough. But we had to go and bring you parking cops. In droves. Like the locusts that come every 17 years, but without the part when they leave. They don’t pass over anything.

3. They Closed That Cool Little Road on Top of the Kensico Dam. We probably don’t loathe this so much as feel annoyed by it like when you get a pine needle stuck in your sock, but one of the county’s little pleasures back in the day was taking a drive across the little road on the big levee in Valhalla. We know—security, security, security. But for just one more ride…

4. Traffic. We have to acknowledge the big orange cone in the room. We give the Department of Transportation credit for trying. But we’ve turned on our radio too many mornings to hear that “McDonalds McCafe Chopper One” tell us that Interstate [fill in the blank] is backed up for miles.

5. We’re Getting Pretty Boring Culinarily. We love that all those big-name chefs are coming to the county to open American and Italian restaurants. But they’re opening lots and lots of American and Italian restaurants. We’d take a Sherpa with a cookbook right now if it meant some good Tibetan food. And would it kill someone to go molecular on our gastronomy? Jeez, how many times does a magazine have to ask?

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